On November 20th, 2012 my mother passed away after a long fight with breast cancer. This fight had been her second go around against cancer. She originally was diagnosed with it in 1999. After several rounds of chemo the cancer had gone into remission. In 2009 it had returned, only this time it spread to many areas of her body. In the summer of 2012 after many treatments along with ups and downs it was determined that the we had run out of treatment options. 5 months later my mother passed away.
4 years seems like a long time. 4 years seems like a blink of an eye. All of it depends on perspective.
I have faced darkness, depression, pain, questions, suffocating doubt and anger. I have felt joy, comfort, relief and hope. There are no stages to this type of grief, well if there are stages I have really messed them up.
So in an effort to talk about this, and maybe help someone going through anything similar, I want to share some of my journey. It will be raw, it will be honest, and a times may seem really sad, but that is what these past four years have felt like. There is also hope, but hope, I realize, only exists because pain, darkness and despair do too.
I remember about a month after my mom past away I told people “It does not get better, it is just a new normal”, so what I will be writing this month will be a bit of a look into some of the realities of this “new normal”.